下面是我整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話8篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

一個(gè)男孩放學(xué)回家時(shí)，覺(jué)得肚子痛。來(lái)，坐下，吃點(diǎn)點(diǎn)心，媽媽說(shuō)，你肚子痛是因?yàn)槎亲邮强盏?。吃點(diǎn)東西就會(huì)好的。

一會(huì)兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說(shuō)是頭痛。

你頭痛是因?yàn)槟愕哪X袋是空的，他那聰明的兒子說(shuō)，里面裝點(diǎn)東西，就會(huì)好的。

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老師在課堂上向?qū)W生們展示了各種各樣的鳥(niǎo)的照片。然后他問(wèn)其中一名學(xué)生，“杰克，你最喜歡哪種鳥(niǎo)兒啊?”

杰克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師?！?/p>

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：I've Just Bitten My Tongue

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：我剛咬破自己的舌頭

“我們有毒嗎?”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親。

“是的，親愛(ài)的，”她回答說(shuō)，“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么?”

“因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^?！?/p>

How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。

而且，他只會(huì)說(shuō)幾個(gè) 英語(yǔ)單詞 。"

法官看了看被告，問(wèn)道："你會(huì)說(shuō)多少英文?"

被告抬起頭，說(shuō)："把你的錢(qián)包給我!"

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：He Won 他贏了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎?

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒?

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰(shuí)能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Three pastors 三個(gè)牧師

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走?！?/p>

另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走?！?/p>

第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒(méi)有再回來(lái)過(guò)?！?/p>

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Excited Remarks 激動(dòng)的話

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(長(zhǎng)聲尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五歲的兒子對(duì)摩托車(chē)有強(qiáng)烈的 愛(ài)好 。只要看見(jiàn)一輛摩托車(chē)，他就會(huì)高興得哇哇直叫，并激動(dòng)地說(shuō)：瞧這輛!瞧這輛，我總有一天也要有一輛。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活著，你就別想有這玩藝兒。

一天我們的兒子跟他的小朋友在說(shuō)話，有一輛摩托車(chē)開(kāi)了過(guò)去。他興奮的指著摩托車(chē)叫道瞧這輛!瞧這輛!等我爸一死我就要有這樣一輛摩托車(chē)了。

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小學(xué)四年級(jí)的教師正在給學(xué)生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個(gè)例子：有這樣一種情況，一個(gè)男人在河中心的船上釣魚(yú)，突然失去重心掉進(jìn)了水里。于是他開(kāi)始掙扎并喊救命。

他的妻子聽(tīng)到了他的喊聲，知道他并不會(huì) 游泳 ，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰(shuí)能告訴我這是為什么? 一個(gè)女生舉手答道，是不是去取他的存款?

趣味英語(yǔ)笑話集錦

你身邊真正的朋友，跟你美丑沒(méi)多大關(guān)系，跟你有錢(qián)沒(méi)錢(qián)沒(méi)多大關(guān)系，下面，我給大家收集整理了趣味英語(yǔ)笑話集錦，一起來(lái)學(xué)學(xué)幽默，收集好人緣吧!

Hospitality

好客

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.

由于客人在吃蘋(píng)果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒(méi)有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。

The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.

這家的小男孩悄悄地離開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤(pán)子里。

The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?"

客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?”

"In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

“在捕鼠夾上，先生?！蹦切∧泻⒄f(shuō)。

留學(xué)前，我覺(jué)得自己英文還行，甚至講起英語(yǔ)來(lái)還有口頭禪，總愛(ài)模仿美劇中老美的口音，說(shuō)話前先來(lái)句“You Know…”作為開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。當(dāng)時(shí)感覺(jué)，這樣開(kāi)始對(duì)話會(huì)產(chǎn)生些許親近感，能馬上跟對(duì)方套上近乎。

我們有一門(mén)考試是要跟導(dǎo)師面對(duì)面坐下交談的。因?yàn)槠綍r(shí)上課時(shí)我提問(wèn)比較多，暗自感覺(jué)她應(yīng)該蠻喜歡我。而且我接觸到的美國(guó)人普遍給人感覺(jué)都是挺容易相處的， 所以即使是老師，大家面對(duì)面時(shí)也能像朋友般?？荚嚨臅r(shí)候，我也想借此營(yíng)造一種輕松和平等的對(duì)話氛圍。記得我當(dāng)時(shí)被問(wèn)及的題目是“你如何看待嘉年華這種形式”。我習(xí)慣性地脫口而出：“You know, I haven’t had any carnival before, but…”

正當(dāng)我準(zhǔn)備口若懸河炫耀自己的英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)時(shí)，只見(jiàn)對(duì)方面無(wú)表情地瞪了我一眼，毫不客氣地打斷說(shuō)“I don’t know。”突然間我尷尬得無(wú)地自容。更難堪的是，老師還緊接著用質(zhì)疑的口吻補(bǔ)充道：“Really?You don’t have any carnival before?”那表情仿佛在告訴我，“你從沒(méi)經(jīng)歷過(guò)嘉年華?怎么來(lái)回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題?怎么發(fā)表你的見(jiàn)解?”

我就知道接下去的對(duì)話沒(méi)可能簡(jiǎn)單進(jìn)行了，更別提想得高分了……

提示：You know是一個(gè)非正式的表達(dá)，所以不合適用于這樣的正式場(chǎng)合，也最好不要跟導(dǎo)師這么說(shuō)。

Can I have another one?

留學(xué)地：英國(guó)

有次跟英國(guó)同學(xué)一起去一家餐館，那里主菜是可以續(xù)的。因此一群人興致勃勃一起前去。主菜分量小，吃一份確實(shí)還沒(méi)飽。我當(dāng)即想要續(xù)一份，于是舉著手對(duì)服務(wù)員 叫喚：“Can I have another one?服務(wù)員連忙跑過(guò)來(lái)驚恐地看看我，再看看我的盤(pán)子，問(wèn)我：“Is there any problem, sir?”我回答：“No, I just want to have another one?！币贿呎f(shuō)一邊還心里犯嘀咕，英國(guó)佬也挺摳門(mén)的嘛，明明說(shuō)好能續(xù)的，怎么一談到續(xù)餐還要大驚小怪問(wèn)有什么問(wèn)題。

對(duì)面的同學(xué)見(jiàn)狀，立馬微笑著對(duì)服務(wù)員解釋道：“Just one more,please?！狈?wù)員這才跑開(kāi)去，但仿佛還心有疙瘩。等服務(wù)員再端上來(lái)一份后，人家還念念不 忘問(wèn)我是否對(duì)主菜有任何問(wèn)題，我忙不迭地說(shuō)“沒(méi)問(wèn)題，沒(méi)問(wèn)題……”接下去的餐只敢埋頭悶吃，極為不好意思。

提示：原來(lái)這位同學(xué)說(shuō)的那句話，以及說(shuō)話前的大聲召喚狀會(huì)被人誤以為是我對(duì)食物不滿意，要求更換一份。通常這對(duì)一家餐館來(lái)說(shuō)是一種極大的不滿和批評(píng)，屬于挺原則性的問(wèn)題。其實(shí)要求續(xù)餐只需簡(jiǎn)單說(shuō)一句“One more，please”即可，意思就是“再給一份”。

where are you from?

留學(xué)地：美國(guó)

第一次打電話叫TAXI，對(duì)方問(wèn)“where are you from” 我回答CHINA。還在奇怪叫 taxi 還分國(guó)籍?想學(xué)習(xí)更多英語(yǔ)知識(shí)，請(qǐng)關(guān)注口袋英語(yǔ)aikoudaiyy

對(duì)方可能以為我在搞笑，很郁悶的說(shuō)“sorry, we can not do that。” 我一聽(tīng)，火大。怎么有種族歧視啊。就問(wèn)： why? 對(duì)方愣了半天，掛了。

提示：好吧，我承認(rèn)這個(gè)有點(diǎn)類(lèi)似“—How are you ? —Fine,thank you?！钡倪@種條件反射，可惜人家出租車(chē)司機(jī)只是想知道去哪接你罷了。

About telphone number

留學(xué)地：加拿大

朋友剛來(lái)的時(shí)候不認(rèn)識(shí)什么人，所以在班上試圖交朋友，一日， 覺(jué)得一白人哥們?nèi)送茫谑窍胍思译娫捥?hào)碼，日后做朋友。

于是問(wèn)：“HOW MANY IS YOU PHONE NUMBER?” 白人說(shuō)：“TEN。”

提示：要電話的表達(dá)一般是“May I have your phone number?”等，像這種“你電話是多少”的直譯顯然是不合適的。

Bill bill?

留學(xué)地：加拿大

來(lái)加拿大的時(shí)候，去學(xué)校上課誰(shuí)都不認(rèn)識(shí)，然后中午自己吃飯。聽(tīng)同學(xué)說(shuō)有家的咖啡很不錯(cuò)，然后就想去買(mǎi)。然后走錯(cuò)地方了，跑一個(gè)法國(guó)餐廳了，然后就坐下來(lái)了，點(diǎn)了個(gè)最便宜的。

吃完飯，不知道咋埋單。然后看到隔壁桌有個(gè)男的說(shuō)bill。

就聽(tīng)到bill這個(gè)詞了，然后就把服務(wù)生叫過(guò)來(lái)說(shuō)："I am finished，bill bill"

然后還順勢(shì)用手做手槍的手勢(shì)指著賬單給那女的看，然后人家嚇壞了。然后叫了倆男的`過(guò)來(lái)，把我朋友也嚇壞了，解釋了半天才出去。

提示：要買(mǎi)單怎么說(shuō)?口語(yǔ)中：“Check, please!”或 “Bill, please!”就是最地道的表達(dá)了!還可以這樣表達(dá) “Waiter, I'll take the check?！?/p>

其他關(guān)于付帳的相關(guān)表達(dá)還有：pay the tab / pay the bill / foot the bill / square for the meal 等。

Leg?Ham!

留學(xué)地：英國(guó)

一朋友第一次來(lái)英國(guó)正好遇上入關(guān)檢查特嚴(yán)，她媽媽讓她給這邊的一個(gè)朋友帶了個(gè)金華火腿結(jié)果被狗狗聞出來(lái)了就被領(lǐng)去office了。然后officer就要她解釋用報(bào)紙包起來(lái)的東西是什么……

我那同學(xué)說(shuō)leg……

然后那officer一臉被嚇到的表情，問(wèn)了句"Pardon?!" 我那朋友很大聲重復(fù)說(shuō)leg!

她說(shuō)我當(dāng)時(shí)想那officer怎么連火腿都不懂，還特地在腿上比劃了半天leg啊leg就是leg啊……

提示：讓我們復(fù)習(xí)一下火腿怎么說(shuō)吧~是 ham 哦。而 leg 則是腿部的統(tǒng)稱(chēng)，第一反應(yīng)是人腿。所以officer絕對(duì)被震驚到了呢~

Yes or No?

有次房東問(wèn)我 Did u eat anyting yet? 我說(shuō)no。

她聽(tīng)后重復(fù)了一遍 So u didn't eat anyting. 我說(shuō) yes。

房東老太太猶豫了下又問(wèn)"Did u eat ?" 我說(shuō) no。

她接著說(shuō) So u didn't eat 。我說(shuō) yes。

估計(jì)她當(dāng)時(shí)要崩潰了

提示：這應(yīng)該是個(gè)很老的段子了，無(wú)奈我每次聽(tīng)還是會(huì)覺(jué)得很好笑。文化差異這東東還真根深蒂固呢。于是再?gòu)?fù)習(xí)一次吧。

英語(yǔ)國(guó)家的說(shuō)話習(xí)慣是按照事實(shí)情況回答，吃了就是Yes，沒(méi)吃就是No，不管問(wèn)句是以肯定開(kāi)頭還是否定。

自由女神像怎么說(shuō)?

剛到US的朋友，到了紐約，想去看自由女神，但是不知道路。于是乎在路邊抓了一個(gè)白佬 --Hi, do you know where is the free woman?

白佬愣了半天，支支吾吾：I... don't know...Tell me when you know it。

提示：自由女神的正確說(shuō)法是“Statue of Liberty”。而這里的free，可以理解成“免費(fèi)的”。于是這句話自然囧到人家老外了。

土豆泥怎么說(shuō)?

一天去kfc, 要土豆泥，不會(huì)說(shuō)，就在那里跟cashier苦喊potato sauce，估計(jì)她以為我傻呢，給我了七八袋 ketchup。

提示：土豆泥的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)說(shuō)法是“mashed potato”，而 Ketchup 是番茄醬等的意思，這個(gè)詞也還有其他拼法： catsup, catchup, ketsup。

外帶怎么說(shuō)?

初來(lái)乍到，跑到麥當(dāng)勞點(diǎn)餐。雖然緊張，但之前表現(xiàn)都很是不錯(cuò)，一直維持到服務(wù)員問(wèn)：“ here or to go?”

第一次接觸外帶餐這詞，還好思維敏捷馬上明白過(guò)來(lái)了，可是嘴上緊張，對(duì)著那男服務(wù)員直接喊出"Let’s go!"。服務(wù)員石化1秒后，說(shuō)了句OK。

提示：for here: 在這兒吃;to go: 打包帶走。這兩個(gè)詞很常用，大家要記得哦。

超好笑的英語(yǔ)笑話

有笑話，大家一起笑，這就是分享快樂(lè)，也許，快樂(lè)就是這么簡(jiǎn)単。下面我為你帶來(lái)超好笑的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望你會(huì)喜歡。

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

一切都正常

一對(duì)年輕夫婦有個(gè)兒子，已經(jīng)四歲了，還沒(méi)有開(kāi)品說(shuō)話，他們對(duì)此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專(zhuān)家診治，但醫(yī)生們總覺(jué)得他沒(méi)有毛病。后來(lái)有一天早上吃早餐時(shí)，那孩子突然開(kāi)口了：“媽媽?zhuān)姘窘沽?。?/p>

“你說(shuō)話了!你說(shuō)話了!”他母親叫了起來(lái)。“我太高興了!但為什么花了這么長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間呢?”

“哦，在這之前，”那男孩說(shuō)，“一切都很正常?！?/p>

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold backalleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.

The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.

The earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.

One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.

The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.

My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation1 and understanding of my unique problems.

When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany(連禱，冗長(zhǎng)故事) offrustrations2 with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, "O.K., honey...now, fist of all, who is this?"

我和兩個(gè)妹妹同時(shí)離開(kāi)家去不同的大學(xué)讀書(shū)。經(jīng)歷了太多的危機(jī)，也厭倦了受到與其他大學(xué)生相同的對(duì)待之后，有一天我給家里打了個(gè)電話，就我獨(dú)有的問(wèn)題尋求安慰和理解。

爸爸接起電話后，我立刻開(kāi)始?xì)v數(shù)我大學(xué)生活中的挫折。當(dāng)我停下來(lái)歇口氣時(shí)，爸爸說(shuō)：“好啦，親愛(ài)的...現(xiàn)在，首先告訴我，你是哪一個(gè)?”