紅色芍藥
下面是我整理的經(jīng)典幽默 英語笑話 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生兒
泰勒夫婦有一個七歲的男孩，名叫帕特�，F(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。
帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對自己家里也將有一個嬰兒的消息感到不滿。
一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個嬰兒的降生計劃做安排。泰勒先生說：有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。
帕特恰好在這個時候走進屋，他問：你們在說什么?他的母親回答說：我們在說我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因為嬰兒就要誕生了。
那沒用，帕特絕望地說。他會跟我們到那兒去的。
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞?
一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說：我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?
噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
你叫什么名字?
有一位很嚴厲的軍官在對一群交由他訓(xùn)練的新兵訓(xùn)話。他以前從沒見過這群新兵，于是他開始 自我介紹 ：我的名字叫Stone(石頭)，事實上，我甚至比石頭更強硬。這就是我為什么要告訴你們我名字的原因。不要試圖對我玩什么花招，這樣我們就能很好相處了。
接著他開始走到每個士兵前面問他們的名字。說大聲點，讓每個人都能聽清楚。另外，不要忘記稱呼我為長官。他說。
每個士兵都對他說了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前時，這個士兵保持著沉默。于是Stone隊長對他喊叫，當(dāng)我問你問題的時候，要回答!我再問一遍，你的名字，士兵?
那個新兵很不高興，但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石機)，長官。他緊張的說。
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
沒問題
一個禿頭的男人坐在理發(fā)店里。發(fā)型師問：有什么可以幫你嗎?那個人解釋說：我本來去做頭發(fā)移植，但實在太痛了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發(fā)看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。
沒問題，發(fā)型師說，然后他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
一天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現(xiàn)了問題。霍迪斯發(fā)現(xiàn)，完成這幅畫后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當(dāng)作品完成之后，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。
這是什么?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。
這就是，霍迦斯回答說。
可是以色列人在哪兒?
他們都已經(jīng)渡過去了。
埃及人在哪兒?
他們?nèi)佳退懒恕?/p>
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：人們什么時候說話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復(fù)數(shù)形式是什么?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復(fù)數(shù)形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：我丈夫剛進來
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在飯館里坐著一對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當(dāng)那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時，服務(wù)員馬上跑了過來。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他說,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了�！�
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他沒有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進來�！�
經(jīng)典幽默英語笑話：有兩條褲子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家里，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的新娘心緒煩亂�！拔倚睦锾y受了，”她說。“我在給你熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞�！�
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“沒事兒，”丈夫安慰她說�！澳阃宋疫@套衣服有兩條褲子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高興地說，“幸虧你還有一條，我后來就用它來補了這個洞了�！�
燕子060207
下面是我整理的 英語笑話 幽默，希望對大家有幫助。
英語笑話幽默：我妹妹的手指頭
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?
凱溫：對不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個手指頭。
老師：怎么沒有扎繃帶呀?
凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。
英語笑話幽默：新西蘭的氣候
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣?
馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。
老師：錯了。
馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。
英語笑話幽默：Good news or Bad news?
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以為藝術(shù)家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息�！钡曛骰卮�。
“先告訴我好消息�！碑嫾乙蟮�。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死后增。我告訴他會的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫作�！�
“那太棒了!”畫家驚嘆�！澳敲词裁磿菈南⒛�?”
店主想了想之后說：“問那個問題的是你的醫(yī)生”。
英語笑話幽默：I don't think I know
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"
老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什么?”。
約翰：“你想它是什么呢”?
老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。
約翰：“我想我不知道”。
英語笑話幽默：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字
When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .
Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.
Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.
女兒出生時，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的業(yè)已過世的父親同一個名字，不過家人提醒這個名字太男性化了。
幾年以后，我覺得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長大，能夠懂事了。我對她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個和我爸爸一樣的名字，因為我非常愛他。我相信他會為你而深感自豪的。
邁爾斯很仔細地想了一下，然后說道：這些我都懂，媽媽�？墒俏也恢劳夤珵槭裁磿幸粋�女孩子的名字。
英語笑話幽默：電腦問題
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"
我在惠普公司打印機部做技術(shù)支持工作已經(jīng)有一個月了，有一天我接到一位客戶的電話，她的問題我沒辦法解決。她的問題是：打印機不能打出來黃色，但是 其它 顏色都正常。這讓我覺得很納悶，因為三原色就是藍、紅、黃。我建議客戶更換墨盒、刪了驅(qū)動程序然后重新安裝，但是都沒有效果。我咨詢同事們，他們也不知道該怎么辦。經(jīng)過兩個多小時的交涉，我打算讓客戶把打印機寄給我們，這時候她平靜地說了一句：“我是不是應(yīng)該把這張黃紙扔了換一張白紙再打印試試�！�
英語笑話幽默：精神病醫(yī)生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生�！搬t(yī)生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的時候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會治好你�！薄百M用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元�！薄拔視J真考慮的�！苯苋鸫鸬�。六個月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了�！薄罢娴�?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F(xiàn)在那沒人了!”
英語笑話幽默：死后重生
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問他的一個員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”
英語笑話幽默：他什么都沒聽到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她�！班蓿昧恕�，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問�！拔艺煞虻男轮犉鳌�。
英語笑話幽默：有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
英語笑話幽默：兩個笨賊
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
兩個盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個說：“我聽到警報響了，快跳吧!” 第二個說：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!” 第一個尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時候了，還這么迷信!”
英語笑話幽默：結(jié)婚的花費
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
小男孩問他的父親：“爸爸，結(jié)婚要花多少錢?”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."
他的父親回答說：“兒子，我不知道，因為我現(xiàn)在還在為它付賬呢�！�
優(yōu)質(zhì)英語培訓(xùn)問答知識庫
